How did you know? Who do you work for? -__-

My candy wouldn't last long enough to store like that

There's just a right way....and a left way

Preach

Beautifully done :)

bring me the far our distant unreachableness

"It's been three days and they still haven't noticed me."

Uh I'm busy that day, sorry I can't make it.

Mkay.
That's one I use when I'm being sardonic.

Both simultaneously is the most fun

Heyyyyyy man

What if mine ran out of battery before the clock stopped?

I say it out loud as I read it and just end up "hahaha"ing along

What if my time was negative or counting up instead of down? And I'd missed him?

That last face: you fucking liar

I'd like my morning banana to be that happy to see me

Used .... great :/

*was

Ok we can't ignore the giraffe with the hat

I thought the cat was on the shirt so I was really confused like "you left the cat with your mom and got a shirt to commemorate him/her?"

*clasps palms calmly* it's called self acceptance

Throwing a sauce pan at someone so they can simmer down

Three words: Tsunami

Don't drink it Dave

At first glance I thought it was a security camera