If you find yourself in quicksand, like between the water and shore on a beach, and you cannot get out, relax. Try to assume a spread-eagle/starfish position and float. The water will eventually carry you and you can swim to shore.

Welcome to Ohio!

How could you not understand this. This is written at like a fifth grade level

I want to make a joke so bad but it would be so mean

This is 100% not written by a principal but it's a good message

Sounds better like this: Red touches yellow, kill a fellow / Red touches black, friend of Jack

Thanks! I hate it

Opposite for me

Freshman be like

Finally, Jesse, you've done something right...

Oh this gave me chills

I don't know why people keep bringing up this old stereotype that women are bratty/catty/bitchy/mean/overdramatic. It's really fucking stupid. I am a woman and I make friends almost everywhere I go, from the grocery store to the parking lot to the gas station. Women make friends like bees make honey; it just comes naturally. And you will never have a friend like a kind woman. She will fight tooth and nail to defend your honor, feed you, bathe you, open her home to you, give you the clothes off her back. Women are selfless, loving, caring, compassionate beings who are tired of dried-out stereotypes :)

When I was in the fifth grade, someone took a man-sized dump in the sink in the girl's bathroom. They lined us up and told us that if no one admitted to the "crime," we wouldn't have recess for the rest of the year. We had one week of school left, so no one really cared. Everyone found this hysterical (I still do) and no one ever came forward. It has been years and years but we still reminisce about the Phantom Sink Shitter. But I know. I know who did it. And I will never forget. She still goes to my school and I see her everyday and look into her deranged eyes. She is remorseless, insane, and severely autistic. The perfect mix for chaos.

What an asshole. This is exactly why he's single

My friend once asked me what city Denmark was in.

What a sweet woman! I love seeing women sticking up for each other.

This is kind of cute actually. I'm glad her sons have their cat back! Hopefully

One of my favorite examples was when Frank Iero (guitarist/singer) played an entire show attached to an oxygen tank because he could barely breathe and Justin Bieber stopped a show when he broke his toe.