Maybe they meant that you don't have to touch someone to abuse them

He might have done something awful you never know

Wisdom is taking out the bullets first

HAPPY GILMORE

This is the wife I aim to be

Is he being washed by a hose?

Where can I get that concealer

Except some people do the weirdest shit when they think no-one is looking (including me)

Nobody else is wearing pyjamas

Didney worl!

Don't forget Patrick Jane

I thought the Big Bang Theory would have done a memorial episode or something

You can pronounce it ken-ya or keen-ya

I feel sorry for the counsellor that had to listen to the mixtape

Just don't leave them in the sun because they will melt EVERYWHERE.

Somebody wrote 'gullible' on the ceiling in my old geography classroom. I spent 10 minutes trying to convince my friend to look up because she didn't believe me

He does look a bit like him

I've seen plague dogs. I still can't believe it's only a PG

I have that tape!! It's awesome

The dog's just like 'getting real tired of your shit human'

Have fun getting under the covers

I was about to get really angry for a second there

Why is he always writing something down

And hurricane sandy wasn't actually a hurricane.....

And Mr Maddens