You know what, you’re right. I do deserve a Ferrari. My empty bank account is only holding me back, and guns are way easy to find

It’s lonely at the top. But OMG is it wild!!!
-Bef Nebos

1. Chad Putin puts a gun to global stability, we call his bluff. The madman pulls the trigger
2. Nigel convinces us to ghost the EU. We fucken do it. The PM can’t believe it and pulls out. A B C happens and Boris the clown resigns after 40+ members of his cabinet resigns
3. Biden twiddles his thumbs. “Oh gee, Oh golly I sure wish I knew someone who could stop the republicans taking over”, he says

What if they alien warrior yells “For Christ!” Whose side you on now?

I bring potato chips

Pro tip - eat vegans.
-Save the environment
-lower population
-still a vegetarian
-still get to eat meat
-profit

I bet when a Kirsty dies, UGG boots send flowers to the funeral

Disney has just been waterboarding us with content. It’s all a gray brackish blur now

Thought this was about Pitbull the singer

Ezra Miller is a Gen Z CIA agent

For the first 47 years nobody thought the earth was flat, right, and in the last five years all of a sudden people you know are coming out telling me there's an ice wall. That you can go look at, like… there's these ice walls, like we're basically in this giant bowl of… I don't know, cereal or something. Yeah, but then once again i'm like “All right i'll go with that” But like, what is the upside to telling me, a “sheeple/Ron Howard” right, that the world is flat and not round? Here’s the thing, when it's really flat, what is the upside of doing that right? Why trick us? Why deceive us? Yeah, what do you get out of doing that..? And they can't seem to answer it. I go, “What you need to do is get a pilot's license. And when you go for your instrument rating and when you see VOR signals and realize that one of the things that blocks it is the curvature of the earth, then you'll stop trying to rent a boat to go look at the fucking ice wall”
-Bill Burr

@catfluff

The small one is weirdly bigger than the big one