"Nigga.."

"Better not take the chance."

I think the future generation of the average human will look like Nicholas Cage.

I have actually never heard of parents moving out, when does it happen to me?

I'm gonna hire different ones all across the globe, that way if I need to travel I'd just get thrown and save on plane tickets.

My nephews are 5, and 4. And they would not fall for this AT ALL.. At all.

Used to?
Works for me.

Okay, my dog gives me this look for a lot of things.. But he never looks THIS sad! Let her on the damn couch!!

I prefer the older way actually

This was me.. So full of happiness and joy while playing with the snow.. Until the coldness attacked and I ran inside to pour hot water in my hands which made it hurt a lot more.

Oh good! I thought I blinked.

I wouldn't make someone promise that on my deathbed.. I'd want them to be happy with someone else someday. Don't use my f*cking bed tho or I'm hauntin'

When I read "some genius" I thought it was sarcasm so I was expecting a dumb idea in the post. But this is truly genius.

Seriously, it's not that hard.

Now I know what to do when I get told to get out the neighbor's pool next summer.

Me:
"Wha- Zzzzzz...."