Put him in ancient Israel and make him foil an assassination attempt against the king while plotting with Queen Esther to trick Haman the Agagite into getting hung on his own gallows. Oh, wait. Wrong Mordecai.

I’d rather have a 65’’ flat screen or a winning personal injury lawsuit but okay I’ll take it.

Oh my goodness, the color contrast in the photo makes it look like Mariah Carey is some sort of pogo-legged, twig-armed spine creature mutant. She looks like a human schwastika. Cannot unsee.

I find it very ‘hippocritical’ to use this image to ‘mount’ an attack on boys when the girl animal seems quite ‘receptive’ to the situation. Your argument is clearly... under water.

Get you somebody who thinks to check up on you like Duolingo Owl thinks to check up on you.

Survival Tip: Make sure the birthday card doesn’t say ‘’Happy Birthday, Mom!’

Amazing that this is the first time Tom Holland smiles and it doesn’t look like he has a frog in his mouth.

Masturebating: the orgasmic joy you encounter when you’ve just paid but then you notice the price tag was wrong and you get more money back.

Run.

Looks like the thing that tirelessly chases me in my nightmares.

Jesus fried to forgive us of our sins.

@mrscollector: ‘Hold my beer.’

Me: *remembers doing the running man with a ceasar cut, pencil thin goatee, rayon shirt, and waxed chest at the Roxy*
@guest_ Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful...

@mikriarktos Okay, hold up. Hold on a second. Wait.
I know I’m probably late to the party on this one but are you and @releasethekraken the same person?

My mental image of @catfluff, animalified.

That is a nuclear mutated spear of broccoli is what it is.

@unklethan: *heavy breathing*

@dash224 If this is a self reference of a wonderful blonde girl being part of a story that everyone knows and loves, then you’ve definitely hit the mark.