Sounds like a typical group project.

Not until the driver falls out of the cab drunk, picks a fight, then makes best friends with the poor soul he just beat up over a pint of Gat.

I read two balls before I read two beers then thought you know, you really couldn’t go wrong with either one.

I took way longer than I should have to realize I wasn’t looking at the mountain in a rear view mirror.

Congratulations, guest. You’re now a man!

She’s right. There’s a really good ‘Adam Ruins Everything’ that can explain the laws better than I can. But if you’re from the US, chances are your unpaid internship is illegal and they’re stealing your time and talent for free. There are six criteria that companies have to meet for an unpaid internship to be legal but most violate a few - usually training must be similar to an educational environment (like a classroom or a true job shadow where you watch but don’t really work), the (unpaid) intern can’t displace other (paid) workers, and the employer can’t derive immediate benefit (like getting a free coffee and lunch fetcher who learns nothing about the business or the role they’re interning for). This isn’t happening with every unpaid internship. But according to US Department of Labor standards, there’s a real possibility that you should be getting paid if you’re interning for free: (https://smallbusiness.findlaw.com/employment-law-and-human-resources/unpaid-internship-rules.html)

Okay, Hannibal. Tell her it rubs the lotion on its skin and have a steak and cunnilingus like the normal people do.

Burger King: *enters stage right* Wendy, why waste your time with a colonel when you can be with a king?
Ronald McDonald: *enters stage left* You call yourself a king but even fools can wear a crown!
Wendy: *to Colonel Sanders* Clown’s to the left of me. Joker’s to the right. Here I am, stuck in the middle with you...

Are you the SAT because I’d do you but perform poorly and give up on a lot of my dreams about the future.

Welp, time to rename the entire country.

Put that thing back in Five Nights at Freddy’s where it belongs, please.

A body wash called Armpits and Crotch would probably be more fitting but I suspect it wouldn’t test well with consumers.

Good lord. Until it moved, I thought that thing was the feline Ghost of Christmas Yet-to-Come there to warn Ebenezer Scrooge that he’d die alone if he didn’t change his miserly ways.

Random philosophical question that I’m sure has been answered before but - if you read the entire story of your life, would it be the same story if you read it a second time? You’ll now have foreknowledge of upcoming events and certain actions might change the story that you just read. Would the story change to include you reading the story?

He looks like Bill Cosby if Bill Cosby could simultaneously annoy you out of loving science while waiting for the roofie that he slipped into your drink to take effect.

China: ‘Of course, America wants a group shot when we’re out of frame on the other side of the planet.’
Ecuador: ‘The tops of our heads really aren’t our best angle.’
Australia: ‘Mates, next time, can we at least not be upside down again if we’re in the pic?’

Amen, sister. Especially the lower left panel. You eat a lot of humble pie. Learning sayings to sound like a native is one of the harder parts, too, because the literal translation from/to another language usually just sounds bizarre. (Like ‘a gifted horse don’t look at the tooth’ translated from Spanish - you know what it means but saying it that way just feels weird). So please be patient when others are learning your language. People really want to do a good job and talk to you even if we sound like drunk toddlers while doing it.