Sorry OP, you didn’t make it. While having no interest in dating or not wanting to date people who seem interested in you do superficial reasons can be equally valid forms of “making it” or even better signs one had “made it,” if you’re in a place where your feeling good or validation comes from others feeling bad or you being cruel or unnecessarily hurtful, you haven’t made it. you are still living your life as a slave to your emotional and mental baggage with women. They still “win” each time you say no. They “win” because you are still just as miserable inside even if you get some momentary joy out of feeling a false sense of power and control because now you are the one hurting others before they can hurt and reject you. They “win” because as you are, you’d likely be as bad or worse a partner as you ever would have, and not only does rejecting them save them from having to experience more if your toxic issues, by doing it so rudely you give them the ability to walk
Away knowing..
.. or being able to recognize that you were not someone worth their interest. While your childish barbs may slightly wound their pride in the moment, most people will quickly get over it as they realize that the words of an asshole mean little to them.
The fact is that good looks or a nice body, dressing well and having a few “moves” and such- these can attract more people than you might have otherwise, but deep down the same person walks in that skin. The truth is that if you said yes, it probably wouldn’t take most women too long to get to a point where more than looks or flash are rehired and at that point you’ll have the same emotional and other tools for keeping a partner as you did before. Only the most superficial or naive person would stick around a guy like that for any length of time once the excitement wore off.
So, despite what the internet or the bros told you, if you are a loser, all lifting weights alone can do is make you an in shape loser. Once a loser, always a loser, unless we find the things that actually made us a loser, and spoiler alert, if you think you’re a loser because you aren’t tall enough or aren’t buff enough or aren’t rich enough or are too fat or too ugly or whatever… those things probably aren’t why you are a loser. The way you are thinking makes you a loser to start, because winners win. It’s what we do. When I unequivocally lose? I still win. Winning is an attitude. I don’t need someone else to lose so I can win. You can win the race and all the girls will ride home with me because my car is nicer to ride in. You can get the job we both interview for and they’ll call me in and tell me they want to hire me as your boss (that one actually has happened.)
One thing winners tend to be good at is sporting losers, and OP, you’re still losing. As a long time trainer of others and myself, I believe that fitness and especially weights can bring positive life change. It’s not mystic gym science or some alpha bullshit.
Fitness done right is an investment in you. You have to value yourself and through that you learn to value yourself. It teaches patience and setting goals and can teach how good it feels to hit long term goals. You don’t get proper fit without discipline, a skill that is useful in turning loser lives into winner lives. Self control, dedication, integrity, self accountability, ambition, effort, and more. When we take care of ourselves, others notice both consciously and subconsciously. It’s evolution- spotting people who have traits like health and attitude that make them suitable partners or likely to be top performers.
It’s also just human nature that if someone doesn’t care about themselves, most people tend to see them as lesser or “damaged” too. Lifting or fitness can be about wanting to look better, be more attractive to others, but really it is about you. A serious fitness plan that gets results is a lot of work to do for anyone else and it isn’t generally sustainable unless you really care about what that other person thinks more than your natural drives to not live the life required to be fit. Being fit does signal to others we have discipline, that we have some degree of ability to set and keep long term goals and exercise self control. It shows others we likely care about ourselves and take care of ourselves. Like any single data point it implies certain things but you can be in great shape and be a mental and all around mess.
In general the superficial draws people to us, if we spend enough time with an open mind, every person on earth is interesting just about. We can find good and endearing things about them. Those wanting long term partners generally want people who have traits that make them someone who they believe they can build the life they want with. Those wanting short term engagements usually only care that someone is fun and exciting, interesting or suitable for their specific short term needs. But by and large no matter how good looking or fit or wealthy etc. you are- you can say or do things that will make almost anyone with self respect lose interest.
It’s very human and understandable to enjoy the feeling of being desired, perhaps even to enjoy the feeling of being desired by someone who can’t have you or you won’t have. That said, it isn’t generally an impulse that we should seek to roll around in. That’s not healthy. The healthy mind can have unhealthy thoughts or impulses now and again, but the healthy mind generally doesn’t live in those moments or for them.
You do you OP, live the life that you want to live. It might be nice if you weren’t being a negative force in the world, but there’s nothing wrong with- and it can be very healthy to- find yourself in a place where you aren’t seeking or even wanting a partner.
It’s ok, great even, to love yourself and enjoy your own company. It’s great to have a full life with friends and family and such, hobbies and self care and solitary enjoyment where you don’t feel a need to find a partner just so that you can not be “lonely” or “alone” or because it is expected etc. If you’re a winner, when you’re alone you are having a blast. You are so entertaining and interesting you can keep yourself occupied and happy. You can think deep thoughts and do fun things and enjoy life. You can take advantage of things that often only single people can do or are practical. You are only accountable to you. That’s great. If you’re a winner and you aren’t single, you’re winning. You’re winning because you found a partner that fits your life and enhances it. Someone who any trade offs are small compared to the gains, who can help you grow and you have fun with and is as interesting and fun or more so even than you.
It sounds like you aren’t there yet. It sounds like you are still a loser in your heart and mind. It sounds like it isn’t the joy of self that drives your choice to be alone but fear and hurt that you haven’t processed. It sounds like the words of a boy who can’t figure out why no one will take him seriously as a man because he is still acting and thinking like a boy.
But- who knows. I only have one little story to go off of. So this is just the picture this one story paints to me. Best of luck.
In the words of Frankenstein's monster;
“I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other.”
1Reply
deleted
· 1 year ago
@guest_ throwing his pearls before some sad incel slob daydreaming on 4chan.
Away knowing..
The fact is that good looks or a nice body, dressing well and having a few “moves” and such- these can attract more people than you might have otherwise, but deep down the same person walks in that skin. The truth is that if you said yes, it probably wouldn’t take most women too long to get to a point where more than looks or flash are rehired and at that point you’ll have the same emotional and other tools for keeping a partner as you did before. Only the most superficial or naive person would stick around a guy like that for any length of time once the excitement wore off.
Fitness done right is an investment in you. You have to value yourself and through that you learn to value yourself. It teaches patience and setting goals and can teach how good it feels to hit long term goals. You don’t get proper fit without discipline, a skill that is useful in turning loser lives into winner lives. Self control, dedication, integrity, self accountability, ambition, effort, and more. When we take care of ourselves, others notice both consciously and subconsciously. It’s evolution- spotting people who have traits like health and attitude that make them suitable partners or likely to be top performers.
You do you OP, live the life that you want to live. It might be nice if you weren’t being a negative force in the world, but there’s nothing wrong with- and it can be very healthy to- find yourself in a place where you aren’t seeking or even wanting a partner.
But- who knows. I only have one little story to go off of. So this is just the picture this one story paints to me. Best of luck.
“I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other.”