I suppose that it can vary. Many men are let’s say… “less successful” in dealings with women than others. When we are less successful at something than others, humans often look for a reason they can latch on to which help avoid our personal traits or things that we don’t want to change. A bald man who is “unsuccessful” relating to women will see men with hair being successful and may think it is his lack of hair holding him back. A short man who has trouble with women may see taller men doing well and assume women must care too much for height, and that is why. Of course, this is where bias enters- countless skinny men, large men, bald men, poor men, “ugly” men, short men, are able to have successful and enriching lives with women. That fact countermands the narrative that this one thing is the cornerstone of our problems. So the idea “women only care about money” or “are after your money” fits nicely to a narrative that when one has a problem with a relationship with a woman…
.. it can be blamed on money, lack of money, or being “too smart to fall for her gold digging.” It waves away why one might not be able to attract women or start relationships, and it gives a “no fault” reason for someone to explain why a relationship ended. A lack of drive- that is to say a general disgust or displeasure in a man who doesn’t have passion or goals in life regardless of money, or communication issues, inability to be self sufficient, or other issues may be the true cause- but those reflect poorly on the man. Saying “she was only after money…” allows him to be the “blameless party” in the matter. No change is required of him, no need for introspection or accountability. Now, going back to bias, of course some women are interested in money or have a primary interest in a specific man for the material benefits they think they can get. Some men are the same. That said, the fact these types of people do actually exist serves the way of thinking. The hypothetical man…
Ignores all the examples where that isn’t the case, but chooses to focus on examples where it is or appears to be the case.
Now, I will say this- most people, men or women, they have a life they want. A lifestyle they are used to, or aspire to have. If a man has the resources to provide himself the life he wants and provide reasonably to a woman the life she wants without much stress or compromise, he may not care what a woman earns or vice versa. The interest may be more on the aspects of the life that person wants which requires a partner. A fairly financially comfortable man who wants a family and can provide for one to his standards on single income, may not care about a woman’s wealth or vice versa, as they may envision a situation where the other party is a stay at home homemaker for example. In other words, in such cases the other person is needed for having and raising kids and a home, or companionship, not to provide.
A large majority of people however require a partner to financially support a lifestyle they want. Even if they make good money alone, if one partner is injured or otherwise unable to work for any period, kids, going back to school etc, they need the other person to have enough income to maintain the household and hopefully their lifestyle. So it would be foolish to think that to most people, men or women, that money doesn’t matter at all. Some people would love the money to have a mansion or ranch, but would be happy enough to have a modest house with their partner. Some would be fine living in an apartment as long as it is with their partner. Some would live in a cardboard box as long as it meant being with the other. It isn’t necessarily that one of those lives is stronger than any other, it’s more the case that some peoples love of self or their goals in life are stronger than those of others. Some people will live a happy life making $50k and others would be miserable with…
.. an income less than $200k for the house. With perhaps rare exception, “love” so “strong” that our attachment to this other person is greater than the sum of our hopes and dreams, our overall satisfaction with the other aspects of our lives- that’s not healthy. Of course love can be strong enough that we would endure through temporary hardships, months or perhaps years, on our way to a goal or as our partner stumbles, and be healthy. Being willing to live an entire life where the only real joy is this other person… that’s generally unhealthy. If that works for a person I’m not judging, but I am saying that it isn’t right to judge someone because that doesn’t work for them either. If we have very different goals and different wants from life than our partner, those are good signs it is perhaps not the best pairing for a partnership. If our partner has desires for fancy things and they aren’t able and willing to be ok getting those for themselves, they want or need you to do it or help
Maybe that’s just not a compatible pair? That doesn’t mean they’re “after your money” or “only want money..” it just means that the standards they want from life or what they value in life isn’t the same as you.
Now, I will say this- most people, men or women, they have a life they want. A lifestyle they are used to, or aspire to have. If a man has the resources to provide himself the life he wants and provide reasonably to a woman the life she wants without much stress or compromise, he may not care what a woman earns or vice versa. The interest may be more on the aspects of the life that person wants which requires a partner. A fairly financially comfortable man who wants a family and can provide for one to his standards on single income, may not care about a woman’s wealth or vice versa, as they may envision a situation where the other party is a stay at home homemaker for example. In other words, in such cases the other person is needed for having and raising kids and a home, or companionship, not to provide.