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guest_
· 4 years ago
· FIRST
That- or as covered before- you may be too nice or nice in the wrong ways- it’s also true that we all have journeys in life. A young “girl” or “woman” might not yet be at a place where that is what they are looking for- immaturity (which often but not always has some relation to youth-) tends to favor excitement, passion, novelty, superficiality and looks or “types.” Let’s say there’s a 16-20 year old who isn’t focused on or wanting long term commitment, kids, marriage, a home, shared responsibilities. Maybe she’s thinking that she will move around- go to school somewhere far, wander, take a job far away and long term and all the heavy things that comes with aren’t for her right now. There is a maturity to that- to knowing that you aren’t ready or able to give what a person obviously wants or is suited for.
guest_
· 4 years ago
Maybe she knows that all she wants is to skydive, rode motorcycles or sit in sports-cars, make out or have sex and meet new people and try new things- and you’re standing there hat in hand- this guy who isn’t someone she just can have a wild weekend with- you aren’t bringing fast times and cheap thrills, late night parties and surface level distractions and wild no strings sex. You’re brining emotional support and a stable foundation to build a home and a family or retire or whatever.
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guest_
· 4 years ago
Young guys on the whole aren’t so different. Most young guys aren’t looking for women who will make good moms or are fiscally responsible. Their primary criteria for choosing dates isn’t generally about intangibles of long term success- looks are a huge one for young guys. Sex is a huge one. Being able to have fun- a woman who participates in or doesn’t hassle them in their hobbies or pursuits and times with friends.
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guest_
· 4 years ago
When all is said and done- less mature people often are more interested in the moment above long term thinking. Those who are wise and know themselves but also know there are things they still want to experience and do that are impractical with a partner- aren’t generally going to drag a “good guy” in to their explorations unless they feel that guy is ok with that and isn’t looking for more- or if they REALLY know themselves they may even know that they might end up liking a good guy so much that they give that up to stay with him- and a REALLY good guy wouldn’t Clip the wings of someone he cares about and risk the long term resentment that can be caused when people feel they’ve given up their dreams for someone else.
guest_
· 4 years ago
Carrying on- you may be a good guy or a nice guy- but you also may be a guy who she’s feels hasn’t seen or done enough stuff. The opposite is true too you know- a partner who hasn’t experienced things in life and had a chance to see what they like and don’t- long term they may either start to want to try those things- or they may have experiences that open their eyes to things they didn’t try but really like- and that can ruin a relationship too- so generally people of a certain experience of maturity look for partners who are not just nice- but well rounded. Who have experienced a good sampling of life.
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guest_
· 4 years ago
That may not be you. So it isn’t always about this whole “women do/don’t like nice guys.” It can be about the woman- you may be nice but is that what she wants or what fits her life right now? Is she ready to reciprocate your good treatment of her- or is she at a place where she’s all about her and a “good guy” like you is more likely to leave hurt or even twisted into a bitter not so good/nice guy. Maybe you’re good and nice- but too boring for her. Maybe she thinks she’s not good enough for you. Maybe she’s met guys who seemed good and your behavior reminds her of them- and they weren’t. Maybe she isn’t sexually attracted to you. Maybe she doesn’t feel any “chemistry.” Shit man. It’s a long list. Before you try to be a good man- be a fucking man. A person.
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guest_
· 4 years ago
Be who you are. Know yourself and work on yourself to be the best version of you- but be you. And if someone doesn’t like you- it doesn’t mean that something is wrong with you, it doesn’t mean something is wrong with them. It doesn’t mean their entire gender doesn’t like nice guys. It means that the guy you are- this person and that person aren’t looking to date.
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guest_
· 4 years ago
Plenty of teens and 20’s guys- great guys. They have no or almost no luck with women- hit their 30’s and 40’s- suddenly wow. Luck. A little seasoning- and the overall changes in people common to certain ages don’t hurt. If mom’s and aunties always talk you up and say what a catch you are- that’s probably you. You’re probably the guy that when you get to be that age- you’ll be a lady killer- because the vibe you’re growing down- is the vibe that women that age are picking up. What do you want to do? Completely reinvent yourself so that you’re somebody people like? That’s not being a complete person and that isn’t being a man either in my book.
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Edited 4 years ago
guest_
· 4 years ago
If you’re a good guy- you’re going to be a good guy. You can’t help it. That’s who you are. If you’re lucky you’ll find someone your age who’s at a place in maturity or experience that they’ll want that and be a good partner. But my dudes- quit blaming women when you can’t get laid or land a date. Secret time: gettin dates- getting laid? Easy. It’s even easier if you don’t care WHICH woman or is as long as she meets some basic criteria. You figure out who she is, what she wants, throw some generic fashion at it, some grooming, a pinch of flash and a few easy moves and improv. You do a little grooming, change your style, parrot the guys who are having success- wow. Suddenly way more women are willing to take you up on your advances. Works for guys too.
guest_
· 4 years ago
But! Is that what a “nice guy” does? He just fakes whatever he thinks a woman wants to hear or see so that he can get what he wants? Is that who you want to be? Does that seem sustainable- something you could keep up for years or decades- something you want to base a marriage on? Does it seem right? Does it seem like the women you are suddenly meeting are going to largely be the sort of women who YOU would like on a deep personal level-
guest_
· 4 years ago
is it possible that pretending to be a totally different person might alienate the types of woman that you’d likely be most happy with and most compatible with? That acting that way- if you met the “right” woman who valued “good guys” like you- that she would see this sleaze artist and walk away? Or maybe you could explain to her how you aren’t REALLY this guy- you just do it to get dates while you search for true love? Is that believable from that guy- or will she think it’s more bullshit? If it’s true- does she fall in love- or look at you with disgust as a pathetic person without the integrity to be themselves?
guest_
· 4 years ago
Hear me now- it’s hard being lonely. Learn the difference between being alone and being lonely. It’s hard being horny- especially when you’re young. But realize being “nice” or “good” isn’t a pass for sex- it’s a pass for friendship at best. Friendship doesn’t always lead to sex- and if you’re looking for friends hoping for sex- you aren’t really a very good guy. You’re a bottom feeding ambush predator who lures in prey and strikes when they are most vulnerable and exposed.
guest_
· 4 years ago
Tl:dr- and in conclusion- wtf does being nice or good have to do with it? The world is full of nice and good people. The old man or old lady who gives out toothbrushes because they lost their teeth are probably good and nice too- you wanna marry them? Date them? Sex em up a bit? “Good” is only one of the pre requisites for most people with standards. Most people are “good people” if you get to know them. Someone has to want to get to know you. For monogamous relationships they have to want to bad enough to close off all other possibilities- or invest time and energy into finding out more about you. Risk pain and even danger.
guest_
· 4 years ago
But “good” is vague and relative. What is good for the spider is hell for the fly. A good night out for me might be boring as hell for you, what you consider a good price on shoes might make someone else cringe. It’s relative my dogs. What is a good man? Does he give you butterflies- or does he make you feel calm? Does he take charge, or does he follow your lead? Does he give everything he has to anyone who needs it, or does he only give to those people close in his life- but lavish them? What is “good” man?
guest_
· 4 years ago
Be you. Be the best version of you. Always be growing and improving to become the you that you want to be. People will appreciate that or they will not. People will respond or they will not. Keep improving and growing and doing. Someone will eventually appreciate you- want you. Maybe they already have and you didn’t return their interest? Don’t make it about women, and for the most part don’t make it about what is “wrong” with you. But the idea that women don’t like nice guys is your problem- that isn’t the attitude of a person who accepts they have growing to do and is trying to be better. That’s the attitude of someone with a big ego who can only come up with that- put blame on others- for rejecting them. If this is your attitude- it’s probably part of most of your problems.
zombie_slayr
· 4 years ago
or they just use you to get what they want and then they leave
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disappointed
· 4 years ago
Who hurt you?
harperfan7
· 4 years ago
a woman
harperfan7
· 4 years ago
Naw, dark triad is a thing. Women love assertive dominant douchebags who lie and treat them like shit.
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disappointed
· 4 years ago
Lol no we don't.
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