I choose you Chorizard!!!

If my turds were chorizo sausage my life would have a turned out very differently.

For the better or worse?

I can’t imagine how it wouldn’t be better. Chorizo is delicious.

Realistically... you’d be expelling protein. You’d need to eat a lot more meat to counterbalance the amount you’re dookin out. Didn’t mean for that to rhyme.
Or you could just not eat any meat at all