The small dick was representing intelligence and reason at that time. It was way more attractive to be caring about philosophy, arts and the big questions of life than being an everlasting bull in bed. Big dicks were seen to be a signal of animous behaviour and lust.

To quote Tim Minchin:
Be micro ambitious. Work with pride on what lies before you. Those who concentrate too much on the horizon won't see the tiny glistening thing in the periphery.
I just saw the motivational speech he held in front of graduates of his Alma mater. Deep shit. If you don't know it, here's the recommendation. :)
I'm almost sure I can make it. I only need to find something that pushes me to move my butt again.

Yeah. I actually know that. But right in the moment my main struggle is not fully falling into depression. I observe myself coming to my new home and sitting on the sofa all night doing absolutely nothing. Not a good sign and not really me.
It's just the fact that everything you planned for your future collapses within minutes. Building a new perspective should probably help but I don't even know where to start....

Welp. Not much you can do about it.
Guessing another three months and the official part, such as signing off papers will be over.
Still tough as a motherfucker.

Why do you think there's something wrong with you?
It's not even uncommon in your age. The psychology behind this is that you're looking for experience, as women your age are often as new in the 'business' as you are.
We all have our kinks and some of them change or alter over time. Relax, embrace it and live it. There are only these few years for you on this planet, so go and rock them!

Good question, but I like to stay mysterious.

Mind control over the first commenters mind!

In that case, I question your management so far, as set goals should be SMART (Google that, it might help in your future career) and so be challenging, but realistic to drive the employees growth. I am managing both blue and white collars and encouraging people to learn and advance is management 101.

Hopefully they'll be thinking of at least something in your country very soon, looking at the current numbers

Yawn

Why is reaching the set goals the bare minimum? Why should somebody who's communication works through emails solely sit at a given place? And can you imagine that there are jobs where working ahead isn't possible? And why are all your comments in this black-white fashion? So many questions you should've asked yourself.

Germany is a federal state out of 16 feds. Just saying. And generally it's saying that it works globally.

Final Assembly Line.
But believe me that I'd somehow prefer your option, even if it was just out of curiosity