He takes his time, but his final product is tastier than anything you'll ever taste again.

Snapchat is the best veterinarian.

*aggressive rimshot*

I completed medical school in 2012, and lemme tell you.
Things like this happen...all the time.

He came out and said that her lipstick tasted bad.
C'mon guys, we all know old people taste like Play-Doh and glue, it just caught him off-guard.

You'd be surprised how much a comma will save your family from being eaten.

Clearly she made apple butter.
The problem with this is that I didn't get any of it.

Still waiting for Hedy Lamarr to marry me.
I refuse to acknowledge any problem with wanting that.

These are my goals as a human.
Skiing while riding a dinosaur.

I believe these are the majestic "sea unicorn".

"It'll appeal to the youth!"
"Are...you sure?"
"Gimme dat spine, homie!"

"Stop oppressing her!" Tumblr shouts!
The girl has her feet amputated at an early age due to not managing her diabetes, insisting she was healthy and that society's image was flawed.

WHAT A TWIST.

"What runs across the yard, but never moves?"
"Yer mum. Open."

Don't let that doctor anywhere near you, lady! He's a fraud!

Work it, girl.
Or boy.
You have no head.

Nope, you're the only person.

No, I'm good at fingering the valves.

That dog is a true friend.

Bros before hoes is what this picture is telling me.

*aggressive rimshot*

It's the ONLY time they'll walk in.

Practice makes perfect.

This makes me uncomfortable.

"Dickus Erectus!"