Oh, wow, a homophobic slur. I am so impressed.

Not even close, guest. Sorry.

Tongue

So I took a bite out of a tree.

Good, because I am gay and also want to die. Killing two birds with one stone, there.

His expression says that he was looking away, then turned around, and suddenly bananas.

Same here

But they still can't go backwards.

You died of sickness or old age.

That's kinda the point, though.

I'm terrified of that stupid shot. My dentists aways said they were only rubbing some 'jelly' on it. I always closed my eyes while I was getting my teeth worked on.
Then one day, I opened my eyes and saw this BIG ASS NEEDLE. I flipped the ever loving fuck out.

I called a feather-quill a 'bird pen'.

My diary is probably really sad because of me. I sometimes wonder if my diary used to be happy and I ruined its feelings. Is that weird?

Uh... hi?

It's not really a pun. It's a clever joke, though.
However, what YOU just said is a pun.