CarbonTech

carbontech


Here to cast pearls of wisdom and BS in equal measure. Am I too late?

— CarbonTech Report User
The Terminator strikes again 11 comments
carbontech · 4 years ago
He was called The Governator, and at one point him and Stan Lee were looking to start up a superhero franchise aimed at kids, where The Governator was the titular star. You can find excerpts by searching for "Governator". https://youtu.be/R20cq_ZQ4bU
3 · Edited 4 years ago
Hook, line, and sinker 1 comments
carbontech · 4 years ago
It's all in the bait.
Adjoining gay pressurized Salmon 1 comments
carbontech · 4 years ago
Sounds like something an aficionado of non-virgin edibles might come up with.
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Too* 4 comments
carbontech · 4 years ago
I prefer the ones, where they arrogantly sow doubt, which puts their fellow idiots and innocents equally in jeopardy, followed up by their announcement that, hey, Covid-19 might actually be real, since NOW, THEY'VE been diagnosed with it, followed up by a notification from their family that karma has decided they would permanently reap what they sowed. You would think that the gene pool would have been cleansed of these morons, 100 years ago, when their ancestoral idiots were spreading the same ignorant bullshit, with the same karmic results.
Play stupid games-Win stupid prizes.
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Quarantine problem solved 6 comments
carbontech · 4 years ago
Sounds more like a challenge than fear. I suggest attaching a drone, lol, to get him to back off. And thus we have come full circle. :)
Quarantine problem solved 6 comments
carbontech · 4 years ago
You should vacuum more often. I do it yearly, whether it needs it or not, lol. Seriously though, dogs are like two year olds and who knows what they're thinking. I've had 7 in my life, most were cool with vacuums and a couple absolutely LOVED a vacuum being applied to their fur, but the last one just wants nothing to do with them. As far as he's concerned it's just a big noisy machine that gets pulled around the house for no, logical to a dog, reason.
His mom still cuts his hair 3 comments
carbontech · 4 years ago
Where's his two bros, Larry and Curly? Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk!
· Edited 4 years ago
Quarantine problem solved 6 comments
carbontech · 4 years ago
So more of a run than a walk. Just kidding, lol. If vacuum cleaners are any indication, my dog would also prefer to elsewhere than near a drone.
At any time 1 comments
carbontech · 4 years ago
My doctor is always telling me that I should take care of myself.
I hate Pitbull haters. There you go. 19 comments
carbontech · 4 years ago
Followup: On her next visit she's talking to some of the regulars and tells the story. They tell her she was lucky and how Mr. Jones is permanently banned. Evidently an owner of two Pitbulls brought them to the park, and history repeating, she warned him, he said they were calm and Mr. Jones, which I'm sure is some kind of alias, lol, tried to kill them both, but thankfully failed this time.
The moral is that crazy is in the individual, not the breed.
2
I hate Pitbull haters. There you go. 19 comments
carbontech · 4 years ago
My wife took our 100 lb shedding machine to the dog park. She was approached by a sweet old lady, outside the fence, who asked if she'd mind if her 30 lb nondescript dog could play with our dog, who was pretty cool with calmer, smaller dogs. She said sure, the gate opened and the two began to play.
It was at THIS point that she mentioned that the reason she'd asked, is that Mr. Jones(her dog's name) had an incident at a pet friendly hotel a few months ago. A guest had exited the elevator with his Pitbull off-leash and she suggested he put him on leash, he said his dog was well behaved, she said she wasn't worried about her dog. Then, evidently, the pittie got close, looked at Mr. Jones sideways and sealed his fate. Mr. Jones went for his throat and mortally wounded him. My wife is hearing this while psychotic Mr. Jones is playing with our dog. She smiled, got our dog, thankfully unscathed, and left.
2
Soldiers Coming Home From War. Rare view inside a military transport 3 comments
carbontech · 4 years ago
Apples and oranges. Military transport is non-profit, 100% paid for with tax dollars, with the bulk of passengers being adult males, while commercial flights operate on ultra slim margins, where cramming in as many as possible can mean the difference between profit and loss on a flight. They carry a mix of kids, women and men, with only the tall people suffering the consequences of their profit motivated seat pitch reductions. In commercial flights, the only seats in economy class with comfortable leg room for tall people are the emergency exit rows and those that have bulkheads in front of them, a tiny percentage compared to those sideways facing military ones, which I'd bet are reserved for those over a designated height.
Fastest bowling strike 1 comments
carbontech · 4 years ago
Instructions unclear, car spun out on over oiled lanes, only got a 7-10 split and the manager won't stop whining.
1 · Edited 4 years ago
Silly pretty Pig 4 comments
carbontech · 4 years ago
That's gotta be some furious slicing and dicing of a meat eater's steak, if bits of it are randomly landing in some vegan's yap, a table away.
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Its free 3 comments
carbontech · 4 years ago
You dont just leave a pile of free dirt laying around. Someone's gonna take it for sure. Me, I would have dug a hole and buried it for safekeeping, till I could arrange some transport.
5
Melodic billowy keen Pig 6 comments
carbontech · 4 years ago
Oldest trick in the book. Moments after laying down the cellphone LAW, a confederate, either out in the hallway or a TA in the class, dials the teacher's cheap, disposable, loud ringing prop and thus ensures a teachable moment, that solidifies his intent to do EXACTLY what he's promised he'll do to ANYONE who crosses him. I guarantee all cellphones will be checked, multiple times, before students cross his threshold after that because, you know, he's already demonstrated that he's "absolutely nuts", lol.
3 · Edited 4 years ago
UPS Worker takes pictures with all the doggos on his route 4 comments
carbontech · 4 years ago
He has an advantage over mailmen. Part of the reason a lot of dogs have an antagonistic relationship with postal workers, is that they show up several times a week, so the dog freaks out to warn the pack, then the mailman finishes delivering the letters and leaves, and the dog feels all alpha-like for having, yet again, scared away that intruder who just won't learn to stay away. This versus a guy who comes to the door much less regularly, needs a signature, engages with the owner, and thus is perceived more as the owner's friend and equal. At least that's what Sparky says.
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The way this cat sleeping is weird LOL 3 comments
carbontech · 4 years ago
I've seen more than one squirrel chilling in that pose, perhaps the cat has too.
What in tarnation? 2 comments
carbontech · 4 years ago
Watching every episode of Beverly Hillbillies as a kid has allowed me to glean equal pleasure from that clever wordplay.
The amount of disappointment is immeasurable 2 comments
carbontech · 4 years ago
You played yourself, Mittens.
Solutions 6 comments
carbontech · 4 years ago
Rule #1: No drunks or soup orders served above ground level.
You can milk anything with nipples 1 comments
carbontech · 4 years ago
Here's another couple of things. Breasts encompass the mammary glands which are modified sweat glands and milk, you know what's coming, lol, is modified sweat. Enjoy your latte.
Cuts down on food cost too 4 comments
carbontech · 4 years ago
It's 2020. Perhaps now is not the best time to be encouraging chickens to develop a taste for flesh.
1
That'll do, pig 1 comments
carbontech · 4 years ago
Every Tesla in the world has been activated and is now in hunter-killer mode, an ability not mentioned in the brochures.
1 · Edited 4 years ago
You absolute muppet 1 comments
carbontech · 4 years ago
Either the best or worst acid trip in history.
1