Once in elementary school, a grasshopper died during recess, so a bunch of kids wanted to have a funeral for it and asked me to write a eulogy. The next day they had a funeral and read the eulogy and everything...

My brother locked me in the dog crate and sprayed me with water while I was in there

The only sentence I know how to say in French is Je suis le pomme de terre...

I did this once, and the kid was like "Alright!" and then "K, here's your plate of fried penguin!" and another kid was like "I'll have that too!"